


Maskbook: a Dark Lord Social Network

by Opheline



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angry Kylo Ren, Bad Parent Han Solo, Comedy, Comedy of Errors, Crack, Emo Kylo Ren, F/M, Facebook, Facebook Accounts, Force Ghosts, Hilarity, Multi, Rey denies but she likes Kylo back, Romantic Comedy, This Is STUPID, friendzoned Finn, lots of nonsense, so much crack it almost breaks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2018-06-01 16:26:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6527482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Opheline/pseuds/Opheline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being a Dark Lord is hard at a time where MCR disband and Hot Topic's delivery doesn't reach out for Starkiller Base.</p><p> </p><p>What happens when Kylo Ren runs his own Facebook profile.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Perks of Being a (lonely) Forestflower

                                                                                       **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**

10 minutes ago ∙ 

19 days have passed and I’m still stuck in thIS GODFORSAKEN FOREST

**Like**            C **omment**            S **hare**

_Half of the galaxy_ likes this  

 

  **Huckleberry Finn**   M8 I thought u were gone 4 good  
              8 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment  

             _Ileenium system_ likes this

 

  **Burning Hell**   We don’t want him down there  
              7 minutes ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
              _The souls of the damned_ like this

 

  **Holy Heaven**   Neither do us  
              7 minutes ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment

              _Angels and Saints_ like this

 

**Hypothermia**   Don’t look at me  
               7 minutes ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment

 

  **General Hux**   Even the cold refused to take care of him  
              6 minutes ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment

 

  **Captain Phasma**   Forever Kylone  
              6 minutes ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment

 

  **Rey OfSunshine**  why don’t you Force-call some of your minions, instead of hunting my mind?  
              5 minutes ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment

    **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**  you still need a teacher.  
           5 minutes ago ∙  Like

    ******Rey OfSunshine**  and you need to work your creep out  
           5 minutes ago ∙  Like

   **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**  I’d rather work YOU out  
           5 minutes ago ∙  Like

   **** **Rey OfSunshine**  GET OUT OF MY MIND  
           5 minutes ago ∙  Like

    **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**  YES GO ON, I LIKE IT WHEN YOU SCREAM  
          5 minutes ago ∙  Like

    ******Rey OfSunshine**  I’m 100% done with this shit.  
          5 minutes ago ∙  Like  
               _BB-8, Chewbacca and Obi-Wan Kenobi_  like this

 

  **NotEdgarAllan Poe**  he’s too busy whining to actually pull himself together and get back home  
              3 minutes ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment 

    ******General Hux**  We can’t keep him anyway, Millicent got his room.  
          3 minutes ago  ∙  Like  
               _Starkiller Base Crew_  like this  
    **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**  GET THAT FUCKING CAT OUT OF MY ROOM  
          3 minutes ago  ∙  Like  
      **Millicent The Cat**  *menacingly hisses*  
         3 minutes ago  ∙  Like

 

  **Leia Organa**  omg sweet baby, how are u?  
              2 minutes ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment

     **Han SpiritSolo**  still crazy  
          2 minutes ago  ∙  Like  
                 _Chewbacca_ likes this  
     **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**  YOU STAY WHERE THE FUCK YOU ARE, FATHER. GET OUT OF MY DASHBOARD

                                                   Mommy, I’m so cold. Can you send me my blanket asap, please? The one with grandpa’s mask drawn on it

          2 minutes ago  ∙  Like

     **Leia Organa**  Ben watch your mouth! Actually, that one’s at the dry cleaners, I only have the one with kittens  
          2 minutes ago  ∙  Like

     **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**  …ITS KYLO NOT BEN  
         2 minutes ago  ∙  Like

 

******General Hux**  Kittylo  
             1 minute ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment

 

******Captain Phasma**  Angrylo  
             1 minute ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment

 

******NotEdgarAllan Poe**  Crylo  
              1 minute ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment

 

******Huckleberry Finn**  Whinlo  
              1 minute ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
                      _Lord Snoke_  likes this

 

******Rey OfSunshine**  Creeplo  
              1 minute ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**  I’m sick of you  
              1 minute ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment

 

******Captain Phasma**   Sicklo  
              1 minute ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment

 

******Huckleberry Finn**    go throw another tantrum over the trees  
              1 minute ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment

 

  **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   YOU FUCKERS! I CAN’T! I RAN OUT OF TREES  
              1 minute ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment

 

******Captain Phasma**    sorrylo  
              1 minute ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment

 

  **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   I swear, Phasma. I’m going to kill you, as soon as I get back  
              1 minute ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment

 

******Captain Phasma**    scarylo  
              1 minute ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
                    _General Hux_  likes this

 

  **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   watch me  
              1 minute ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment

 

  **Luke Sagewalker**   teenagers scare the living sh*t out of me  
              45 seconds ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
                    _Gerard Way, Leia Organa, Han SpiritSolo and other 127378239 like this_

     **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   uncle, you shouldn’t geotag your posts. Now we all know where you are.  
              Now  ∙  Like   
              _Knights Of Ren_ like this  
     **Luke Sagewalker**    oh, crap.  
              Now  ∙  Like 


	2. Pic Wars Episode I: Sith Happens

 

 

 

 

 

  
                                                                                    **Rey OfSunshine**   and **BB-8** have been tagged in a picture                       
                                                                                                         45 minutes ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment                              
 

  
  **Jedi Academy PromNight** with **Rey OfSunshine** and **BB-8**  
45 minutes ago ∙   
  
  
45 minutes ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
  _BB-8,_ _Luke Sagewalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Maz Kanata, Chewbacca,_

  
_Leia Organa, Han SpiritSolo, Kylo DarthTantrum Ren_ and other 35 people like this    
  
 

   
   
  **Luke Sagewalker**  the Force is strong in you, my dear Padawan  
             25 minutes ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
  
  **Obi-Wan Kenobi**  Jedi does it better  
             25 minutes ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
               _Old Jedi Council and Luke Sagewalker_  like this  
   
  **Anakin Ghostwalker**   Light Side game strong  
             20 minutes ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
   
  **Rey OfSunshine**   thank you so much!  
              10 minutes ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
   
  **NotEdgarAllan Poe**   that smile tho  
             10 minutes ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
   
  **Huckleberry Finn**   Rey we have 2 talk  
             10 minutes ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
              _Rey OfSunshine_  likes this  
   
    **Rey OfSunshine**   what happens, my dear friend?  
              10 minutes ago  ∙  Like  
   
    **Huckleberry Finn**   I dont wanna be ur friend I just wanna kiss ur neck  
             10 minutes ago  ∙  Like  
              _The 1975_  like this  
   
    **Rey OfSunshine**   Finn I didn’t know you liked The 1975 so much! I love that song too! _#truefriendship_ _#bffs_  
             9 minutes ago  ∙  Like  
             _Matty Healy and Halsey_  like this  
   
    **NotEdgarAllan Poe** true friendzone stabs you in the front  
              9 minutes ago  ∙  Like  
              _Bring Me The Horizon_  like this  
   
    **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   friendzone won’t be the only thing that’s going to stab him.  
              9 minutes ago  ∙  Like  
    **Rey OfSunshine**   Kylo go away  
              8 minutes ago  ∙  Like  
   
    **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**  make me  
              8 minutes ago  ∙  Like

 

  **Captain Phasma**   I took a picture of Kylo during the prom. Guess who he was staring at?  
   
                                                 
                                        5 minutes ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
  **General Hux**   not me  
              5 minutes ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
   
  **NotEdgarAllan Poe**   creep  
             5 minutes ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
  
  **Rey OfSunshine**   he looks surprisingly good  
              4 minutes ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
   
    **Huckleberry Finn**   what  
             4 minutes ago  ∙  Like  
   
    **NotEdgarAllan Poe**   what  
             4 minutes ago  ∙  Like  
   
    **Han SpiritSolo** what  
             3 minutes ago  ∙  Like  
   
     **C3-PO**   what  
              3 minutes ago  ∙  Like  
     
    **Luke Sagewalker**   what  
             3 minutes ago  ∙  Like  
           
    **JJ Abrams**   what  
             3 minutes ago  ∙  Like  
   
    **George Lucas**   what  
             3 minutes ago  ∙  Like  
   
    **Darth Vader**   what  
             3 minutes ago  ∙  Like

  
  **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   …  
             4 minutes ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
   
  **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   GRANDPA I’VE BEEN WORSHIPPING YOU SINCE DAY ONE AND ALL I GET IN RETURN IS A FREAKING WHAT  
             4 minutes ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
   
  **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   W H A T  
             4 minutes ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
   
    **Darth Vader**   sorry kiddo, go back talking to my half-melted skull  
              3 minutes ago  ∙  Like

             _Hamlet_  likes this  
   
    **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   CAN’T YOU JUST TELL ME HOW TO RULE THE GALAXY  
              3 minutes ago  ∙  Like  
   
    **General Hux**   the only thing he can rule is Hot Topic  
             3 minutes ago  ∙  Like  
   
    **NotEdgarAllan Poe**   because he dresses like he’s in The Black Parade everyday?  
             3 minutes ago  ∙  Like  
             _My Chemical Romance, WarpedTour ClothesSponsor and Michael Clifford_  like this  
   
    **Captain Phasma**   he’ll carry on  
              3 minutes ago  ∙  Like  
              _Gerard Way and Kellin Quinn_  like this  
   
    **Darth Vader**   nice one  
             3 minutes ago  ∙  Like  
             _Han SpiritSolo and Chewbacca_  like this  
  

  **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   GRANDPA NOTICE ME PLEASE! I’M KYLO REN YOU CAN’T IGNORE ME  
              2 minutes ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
   
    **Leia Organa**   Ben stop calling yourself like that, we already discussed about it  
              2 minutes ago  ∙  Like  
               _Han SpiritSolo and Chewbacca_  like this         
   
    **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   by the grace of your training I will not be seduced  
              2 minutes ago  ∙  Like  
   
    **Darth Vader**   I find your lack of authority disturbing, my daughter.  
              2 minutes ago  ∙  Like

  
    **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   I HATE YOU ALL  
             2 minutes ago  ∙  Like  
  

  **Rey OfSunshine**   that escalated quickly  
              2 minutes ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
   
  **Captain Phasma**   he didn’t even notice your comment  
              2 minutes ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
  
  **General Hux**   judging by the noise coming from his room, he’s having a tantrum right now  
             2 minutes ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
   
  **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   I’VE READ THE COMMENT  
              1 minute ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
   
  **Captain Phasma**   speak of the devil…  
             1 minute ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
             _De Devil_   likes this  
   
  **Kylo DarthTantrum Rey**   I ALWAYS LOOK GOOD, IT’S NOT FREAKING SURPRISING. I HAVE AN 8 PACK  
              1 minute ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
   
  **Matt TheRadarTechnician**  it’s true, a buddy of mine saw him shirtless. I heard that he is shredded.  
              1 minute ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
   
  **Captain Phasma**   I can’t believe he really logged in his fake account  
              1 minute ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
               _Starkiller Base Crew, Lord Snoke and Darth Vader_   like this  
   
  **The Technician Lady**   man where’s my muffin?!  
              1 minute ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
   
  **General Hux**   but he’s right  
   
                
           1 minute ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
            _Rey OfSunshine, Captain Phasma, Leia Organa, Padmé Amidala_  and other 25 people like this  
   
    **Rey OfSunshine**   oh my God  
              1 minute ago  ∙  Like  
   
    **Luke Sagewalker** impressive, nephew.  
              1 minute ago  ∙  Like  
  
     **NotEdgarAllan Poe**   Dark Side? More like Work-Out Side!  
             1 minute ago  ∙  Like  
   
    **Huckleberry Finn** I’ll never be like him  
             1 minute ago  ∙  Like  
   
     **Captain Phasma**   how come you have such pics, General Hux?  
              1 minute ago  ∙  Like  
   
    **General Hux**   Sith happens.  
              1 minute ago  ∙  Like

 

  **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   I see that you hit like, scavenger.  
              1 minute ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
   
  **Rey OfSunshine**   MY FINGER SLIPPED, YOU FOOL  
              1 minute ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
   
  **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   what about your clothes? They like to slip off, too?  
              1 minute ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
   
    **Captain Phasma**   gross  
              1 minute ago  ∙  Like  
   
    **General Hux**   I didn’t see it coming  
              1 minute ago  ∙  Like  
             _Millicent The Cat_   likes this  
   
    **NotEdgarAllan Poe**   lame  
             1 minute ago  ∙  Like  
   
    **Rey OfSunshine**   I lost it at “clothes”… and, by the way… wasn’t he depressed, just a while ago?  
              1 minute ago  ∙  Like  
   
    **General Hux** *coughs* bipolar-disturbs *coughs again*  
              1 minute ago  ∙  Like  
  

  **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   I’ll leave the door open. Just in case…  
              57 seconds ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
              _Stormtrooper_ _SG-16P and Stormtrooper TG-45F_   like this  
   
  **Rey OfSunshine** and I’ll keep mine nailed shut. Just in case.  
              40 seconds ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
   
  **Darth Vader**   I like this girl  
             20 seconds ago  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
   
  **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   WHAT THE FUCK  
             Now  ∙  Like  ∙  Comment  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was busy digging in that trash can that is my Tumblr account and suddenly found those pics. I had to work on them. Anyway, thaaaaaaank you for the _huge_ interest in this festival of nonsense, it really makes me happy! Well, probably I'll soon come out with some stalking-old-Facebook-pics concept for Reylo, as one of you suggested (and a bit of jealous Hux may happens). Good, then. May the trash be with you all.


	3. The (Mis)adventures of Rey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT: the drawing is not mine! All credits to the owner!!

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**    ▶ **Rey OfSunshine**

45 minutes ago ∙ 

 

Braid my hair, please

 

 **Like**             C **omment**            S **hare**

  _Chewbacca_  likes this  

 

 **Rey OfSunshine**   what? No!

30 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   braid it.

30 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Rey OfSunshine**   I don’t take orders from you

30 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   last night you weren’t of the same advice

30 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Rey OfSunshine** WHAT

30 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 **  Captain Phasma**  oh, it was you then! I seemed to hear suspect noises from that room…

        29 minutes ago ∙  Like

 _  General Hux _likes this  

 **  Rey OfSunshine**  BUT I

        29 minutes ago ∙  Like

 **  General Hux**  Kylo, I thought you were the submissive type

         29 minutes ago ∙  Like

 _  Captain Phasma and Han SpiritSolo_like this  

 **  Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**  I never submit.

          29 minutes ago ∙  Like

 **  Lord Snoke**  Kylo walk my dog. He needs to urinate.

          29 minutes ago ∙  Like

 **  Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**  yessir. On my way, sir.

          29 minutes ago ∙  Like

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 **NotEdgarAllan Poe**   ▶ **Rey OfSunshine**

58 minutes ago ∙ 

 

Rey, can you explain this, please? I found it in your room.

 

 

 

 **Like**             C **omment**            S **hare**

 _Star Wars fandom, Kylo DarthTantrum Ren, General Hux and Starkiller Base Hairstylist_  like this

 

 

 **Rey OfSunshine**   it’s not what it seems.

45 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **NotEdgarAllan Poe**   oh, it seems pretty clear to me!

40 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Rey OfSunshine**   and what were you doing in my room, anyway?!

40 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **NotEdgarAllan Poe**   …it’s not what it seems.

40 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 _Huckleberry Finn and BB-8_ like this  

 

 **Huckleberry Finn**   I rescued her from an emo creep who kidnapped her. I risked my freaking life to take her back home. IVE BEEN NEARLY KILLED IN THAT FOREST 4 HER

40 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 _Han SpiritSolo, NotEdgarAllan Poe and Luke Sagewalker_ like this

 

 **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   yeah, I definitely should have killed you then.

39 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Rey OfSunshine**   Finn, you are my best friend! Why are you saying those things?

39 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Huckleberry Finn**   still its not me on that piece of paper. Lonely. Im so lonely.

39 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **NotEdgarAllan Poe**   in case you were wondering, he’s listening to Lonely by Akon, right now…

39 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 _Akon_ likes this  

 

 **Rey OfSunshine**  I can explain it, I swear!

39 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Kylo DarthTantrum** **Ren**   she likes to draw me like one of her French boys. That’s all

38 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 **  Captain Phasma**  naked?

          38 minutes ago ∙  Like

 **  General Hux**  WHO? HIM?

          38 minutes ago ∙  Like

 **  Captain Phasma**  General, you have the strange power to pop up every time something awkward is about to happen…

          38 minutes ago ∙  Like

 **  NotEdgarAllan Poe**  he must be Awkward Sensitive

          38 minutes ago ∙  Like

 

 **Rey OfSunshine**   I was practicing for my Art homework. The subject was: “draw something cute and funny”!

37 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 **  Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**  I’M NOT CUTE AND NOT EVEN FUNNY

          37 minutes ago ∙  Like

 **  Captain Phasma**  oh yes, you are

          37 minutes ago ∙  Like 

 **  General Hux**  while you sleep with that black worn-out blanket, so cute

          37 minutes ago ∙  Like

 **  Captain Phasma**  and when you pretend you can be like your grandfather? So funny!

         37 minutes ago ∙  Like

 _  Darth Vader, Anakin Ghostwalker and Han SpiritSolo_ like this  

 **  Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**  WHAT YOU JUST CALLED “BLANKET” IS A PIECE OF DARTH MAUL’S ROBE, SHOW SOME RESPECT

          36 minutes ago ∙  Like

 **  General Hux**  whatevs

          36 minutes ago ∙  Like

 **  Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**  AND PHASMA, I’LL RULE THE GALAXY AND BUILD A THRONE OUT OF THE ASHES OF MY ENEMIES. IF YOU HAPPEN TO DIE FIRST, I WILL DANCE ON YOUR GRAVE

         36 minutes ago ∙  Like

 _  Fall Out Boy, Bring Me The Horizon and Jon Snow_  like this  

 **  Captain Phasma**  see? You’re so damn funny, I was nearly choking on my laughs. I had to remove my helmet

          36 minutes ago ∙  Like

 **  Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**  it wasn’t your laughs.

          36 minutes ago ∙  Like

 _  Matt TheRadarTechnician_ likes this

 

 **Huckleberry Finn**   so u dont love him Rey?

 34 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Rey OfSunshine**   of course not

 34 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   of course she does

34 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Rey OfSunshine**   I said that I don’t

34 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   you’ll give me what I seek for, sooner or later

33 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Rey OfSunshine**   I’m not giving you anything

33 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren** we’ll see

33 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 **  NotEdgarAllan Poe**  is he planning to kidnap her again?

          32 minutes ago ∙  Like  

 **  General Hux**  is it just me or there’s a sexual undertone in that conversation?

          32 minutes ago ∙  Like  

 **  Captain Phasma**  you definitely are Awkward Sensitive, General.

          32 minutes ago ∙  Like  

 _  NotEdgarAllan Poe_ likes this

 **  Rey OfSunshine**  can you please stop with nonsense? By the way, Kylo is now listening to Bring Me The Horizon

          32 minutes ago ∙  Like  

 **  Huckleberry Finn**  how do ya know?

          32 minutes ago ∙  Like  

 **  Rey OfSunshine**  it’s the Force bond.

          31 minutes ago ∙  Like  

 **  Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**  and soon, my mind won’t be the only thing inside of her

          31 minutes ago ∙  Like  

 **  Rey OfSunshine**  okay this is sexual harassment, I can’t take it anymore

          30 minutes ago ∙  Like  

 **  General Hux**  I knew it!

          30 minutes ago ∙  Like  

 **  Huckleberry Finn**  IM GONNA KILL THIS EMO BASTARD

          30 minutes ago ∙  Like  

 **  Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**  count your blessings, Finn. You’ll need them soon.

         30 minutes ago ∙  Like  

 _  Oliver Sykes, Asking Alexandria and Danny Worsnop_ like this

 **  Han SpiritSolo**  start lowering the volume or you’ll be counting yours, too.

         29 minutes ago ∙  Like  

 _  Leia Organa, Chewbacca, C3-PO and other 237 people_ like this

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again and again, thanks for being here for me, everyone!! I'm really glad to share a smile with you all!


	4. Hail the Drama Queen

**Gary TheStormtrooper**   ▶   **Stormtrooper GN-1315**

49 minutes ago ∙  

 

Mate Im not gonna take another guard shift out of Darth Drama’s door.

 

**Like**              **Comment**            S **hare**

_Huckleberry Finn, Captain Phasma, Genral Hux, Lord Snoke and Stormtrooper Division no.51_ like this

 

 

**Stormtrooper GN-1315**   wtf man? U wanna get killed?

            48 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Gary TheStormtrooper**   I aint gonna take another tantrum and risk my f*king hand or another limb for him. I didn’t sign for any of this sh*t. I’d rather vet the General’s cat.

            48 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

_ Millicent The Cat and General Hux_ like this

 

**Stormtrooper GN-1315**   SHUT UR MOUTH! WHAT IF HE HARS U

            48 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Matt TheRadarTechnician**   what’s up, my fellow comrades?

            45 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

_ Captain Phasma and General Hux_ like this

 

**Captain Phasma**   YES! I was waiting for this!

            45 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**General Hux**   Captain, I brought the pop corns

            45 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Captain Phasma**   you’re a blessing, General

            45 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

_ General Hux_ like this

 

**Gary TheStormtrooper**   man u lucky

           44 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Matt TheRadarTechnician**   why?

            44 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Gary TheStormtrooper**   u a technician. U dont have 2 babysit a f*cking pre-teen drama queen with bipolar issues

            44 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Stormtrooper GN-1315**   MAN WATCH OUT

            44 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Captain Phasma**   oh this is gold

            43 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**General Hux**   better than Netflix

            43 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Matt TheRadarTechnician**   are you talking about Kylo Ren?

            43 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Gary TheStormtrooper**   who else should I be talking about? Beyoncé? Man I thought u were smarter

            43 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Matt TheRadarTechnician**   is that so, then

            43 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Stormtrooper GN-1315**   MAN U R A DEAD MAN, U WILL BE SOON GONE 4 GOOD

            42 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Matt TheRadarTechnician**   and why so much hatred towards him? I heard a fellow stormtrooper saying pretty good things about him. He said that Kylo Ren cared for his comrades. He always respected them and was nice to them.

             42 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

_  Pinocchio_ likes this

 

**Gary TheStormtrooper**   who is this f*cker? Man he told u a bunch of lies. Yesterday I was guarding his room and I heard him whine and crush things for hours. He was saying “Rey why don’t you love me and braid my hair? Why my grandpa doesn’t show up to guide me? Why isn’t Hot Topic signing me up for work? Fuck my life” and so on. The man is an emo b*tch, he always complains. No wonder that Rey chick wont give him half of a chance…

            42 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

_  Captain Phasma, Darth Vader, Hot Topic, NotEdgarAllan Poe and Huckleberry Finn_ like this

**  Stormtrooper GN-1315**  THATS IT MY FRIEND, I LOVED U LIKE OBI-WAN LOVED ANAKIN

          42 minutes ago ∙  Like

**  Captain Phasma**  EMO BITCH

          42 minutes ago ∙  Like

**  General Hux**  Hot Topic’s staff is currently full, they are not looking for new shop assistants. It was written on their website…

          42 minutes ago ∙  Like

**  Captain Phasma**  E M O   B I T C H

          41 minutes ago ∙  Like  

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   …this is so sad, I almost want to hug him

            41 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Matt TheRadarTechnician**   I… I see what’s in your mind, stormtrooper.

            41 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Gary TheStormtrooper**   what is it, mate?

            41 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Matt TheRadarTechnician**   SOMETHING STUPID

            41 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Gary TheStormtrooper**   I… … CANT… … BRE… A… THE…

            40 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   Kylo stop it!

            40 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

**  Matt TheRadarTechnician**  I’M NOT KYLO

          40 minutes ago ∙  Like  

**  Rey OfSunshine**  …can you please log out that fake account and talk to me with you real one? It’s pretty awkward like this

          40 minutes ago ∙  Like  

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren** did you call me, scavenger? I happened to see this conversation…

            38 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Captain Phasma**   so random

            38 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**General Hux**   were you looking for new things to add to your curriculums? And maybe send them to Hot Topic?

            38 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   I didn’t know you were so lonely, Kylo…

            38 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   oh, you didn’t? Actually, you don’t know a thing about me.

            38 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   thinking of it, maybe that’s the reason for all of your problems

            37 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

_  Kylo Ren’s problems_ like this

**  Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**  whAt PROBLEMS

          37 minutes ago ∙  Like   

**  Captain Phasma**  EMO BITCH PROBLEMS

          37 minutes ago ∙  Like  

**  General Hux**  he has 99 problems but a tantrum ain’t one

          37 minutes ago ∙  Like  

_  Jay-Z, Captain Phasma, Roc Nation, Lucius Lyon and Empire Cast_ like this

**  Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**  OH SO FUNNY! NONE OF YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT I’M GOING THROUGH, NO ONE

          37 minutes ago ∙  Like  

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   listen, Kylo. Maybe we can hang out, one of these days. Perhaps, all you need is a friend!

            36 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Captain Phasma**   he needs a girl-friend. Or a friendship with benefits

            36 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   are you asking me out?

            36 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Huckleberry Finn**   R U ASKING HIM OUT REY?

            36 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**NotEdgarAllan Poe**   Rey are you even serious?

            35 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**BB-8**   ?????????????????????

            35 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

_  R2-D2 and C3-PO_ like this

 

**Han SpiritSolo**   girl I though you were better than this

            35 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   father of the year appeared.

            35 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

_  Darth Vader_ likes this

 

**Rey OfSunshine**  it's not... it's complicated.

            35 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   say it, scavenger. Say you will.

            35 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Rey OfSunshine** okay, uhm… let’s make out. In a FRIENDLY way!

            34 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren** then can I kiss you? In a friendly way…

            34 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**NotEdgarAllan Poe**   Rey, Finn has just collapsed to the ground

            34 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   OH MY GOD I’M ON MY WAY

            33 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**General Hux**   no kiss from the miss

            33 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

  **Captain Phasma**   oh no Kylo, you almost made it! 

             33 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Stormtrooper GN-1315**   Im sorry sir. Very sorry

            33 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   fuck my life.

            33 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Gary TheStormtrooper**   …HHEEEEY IM STIL NOT BREATHINGGGG

            33 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   fuck you, too.

            33 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up watching Chicken Robot's channel on youtube and stumbled on Gary The Stormtrooper. It was too hilarious not to write something about it! Next chapter will be a new Pic Wars episode, so get ready! As always, thanks a lot for being here! Also, I'm leaving my Tumblr account down here, for anyone who would like to hit the "follow" button (I'll follow back, no worries)!
> 
> -> [**dancingtokyoblues**](http://dancingtokyoblues.tumblr.com/)


	5. Pic Wars Episode II: The (stalking) Phantom Menace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT: Batman v Superman spoiler!

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren** likes a picture

50 minutes ago ∙ 

 

 **Rey OfSunshine** changed her profile picture

5 years ago ∙ 

 

Sweet sixteen 

 

 

 

 **Like**             C **omment**            S **hare**

 _NotEdgarAllan Poe, Huckleberry Finn, Anakin Ghostwalker, Padmé Amidala, Luke Sagewalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Leia Organa, Han SpiritSolo and other 77 people_ like this

 

 

 **C3-PO**   such a pretty princess over here!

            40 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Huckleberry Finn**   PUT SOMETHING ON THERES 2 MUCH SKIN 2 SEE

            38 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **NotEdgarAllan Poe**   I bet you were attending Naboo High

            38 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Padmé Amidala**   one of the nicest dresses I’ve ever seen. And it suits you so much! _#queenofthenight_ _#proudfashionblogger_ _#naboofashionweek_

            35 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 _ Vogue Naboo_ _and Cosmopolitan Intergalactic_ like this

 

 **Leia Organa**   have you ever thought about wearing an actual dress, instead of those scavenger bandages?

            35 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Jabba TheHutt**   are you interested in a full-time slave job?

            30 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 _  Jabba’s minions_ like this

 

 **Han SpiritSolo**   no, she isn’t. Go back to your shell, big fat slug.

            30 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Rey OfSunshine**   AND NOBODY NOTICED THE FACT THAT THIS POST WAS FROM 5 YEARS AGO?

            30 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 _  R2-D2, Luke Sagewalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Master Yoda_ like this

 

 **General Hux**   I did.

            30 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   what post?

            30 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Captain Phasma**   Stalklo

            29 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   Phasma, are you going to annoy me with that name-thing again?

            29 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Captain Phasma**   Rightlo

            29 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **NotEdgarAllan Poe**   ooooh, looks like somebody was scrolling your photo gallery, Rey!

            29 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **General Hux**   and he scrolled past years and years of pics!

            28 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   I was planning on cleaning grandpa’s helmet, I have better things to do than waste my day on the scavenger’s profile.

            28 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **C3-PO**   yet, the like is still there!

            28 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   I DON’T REMEMBER ASKING FOR THE MAN OF STEEL’S OPINION

            28 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 _  Bruce Wayne, Alfred and Wonder Woman_ like this

 **  Superman**  I can’t speak, I’m currently buried six feet under the ground, anyway

         27 minutes ago ∙  Like  

 **  Lex 2kool4skool Luthor**  …ding dong, the god is dead. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, the bells are ringing!

         27 minutes ago ∙  Like  

 _  Nietzsche_ likes this

 

 **Rey OfSunshine**   I’m not even asking why that like happened to be there.

            26 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **General Hux**   simple: he hit the wrong button. Maybe he was trying to read the comments. You know, to find any “ex” presence. Hearts, smiles, kisses…

            26 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **NotEdgarAllan Poe**   the man is a pro

            26 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Captain Phasma**   I guess that’s how you do on dating sites

            26 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **General Hux**   I want my women like my soldiers: under my control, Captain.

            25 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **NotEdgarAllan Poe**   he’s the man

            25 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 _  General Hux and Millicent The Cat_ like this

 

 **Huckleberry Finn**   THERE R NO X NOR NEW GUYS I ALREADY CHECKED

            25 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **NotEdgarAllan Poe**   bro, that makes you a creep, too…

            25 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   Hux, your cat is going to regret this.

            25 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Captain Phasma** knowing Millicent, you’ll probably be the one ending up with regret.

                                       

                                      24 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 _  General Hux, Millicent The Cat, Rey OfSunshine, NotEdgarAllan Poe and Starkiller Base Vet_  like this

 **  Rey OfSunshine**  how cute

          24 minutes ago ∙  Like  

 **  General Hux**  it wasn’t cute the second after she took that picture.

         24 minutes ago ∙  Like

 **  Rey OfSunshine**  and that intense look…

         24 minutes ago ∙  Like  

 **  Captain Phasma**  don’t get fooled by the dark and mysterious appeal, his inner self is more like Stewie Griffin from Family Guy

         24 minutes ago ∙  Like  

 _  Peter Griffin, Lois Griffin and the rest of the Griffins_ like this

 **  NotEdgarAllan Poe**  slaaaaaaay

         23 minutes ago ∙  Like   

 **  Han SpiritSolo**  the blonde is so right

         23 minutes ago ∙  Like  

 **  Stewie Griffin**  if that’s what I’m going to get when I grow up… at least I’m gonna be 6 feet tall, YOU FUCKERS

         23 minutes ago ∙  Like   

 **  Captain Phasma**  yes, when you’re turning twenty-whine.

         23 minutes ago ∙  Like  

 

  ******Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   I WASN’T DOING ANYTHING, OKAY? I WASN’T EVEN LOGGED IN, IT MUST BE A HACKER OR SOMETHING

             22 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Rey OfSunshine**  you’re lying. I can see it in your mind.

            22 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   GET OUT

            22 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Rey OfSunshine**   oh, that’s interesting. I don’t recall taking a shower with you. Like… ever.

            22 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 _  Huckleberry Finn, NotEdgarAllan Poe and Han SpiritSolo_ like this

 

 **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   I SAID GET OUT

            22 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Captain Phasma**   I don’t want to see any of this shit, Reylo fanfictions are enough

            21 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 _  Reylo fanwriters_ like this

 

 **Rey OfSunshine** I swear I’m not going to explore his mind ever again

            21 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 _  Luke Sagewalker and Lord Snoke_ like this

 

 **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   TOO DARK FOR YOU, SCAVENGER?

            21 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Rey OfSunshine**   TOO NASTY, YOU PERVERT

            21 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 _  Reylo shippers_ like this

 

 **NotEdgarAllan Poe**   I’m out.

            20 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 _  Huckleberry Finn, BB-8, Luke Sagewalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Han SpiritSolo_ like this

 

 **Rey OfSunshine**   and please stop stalking my facebook account. At least, try not to make me notice

            20 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   I WASN’T

            20 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Rey OfSunshine**   plus, don’t imagine me naked in your bath ever again. Or else, the next shower you’ll take will be an icy one. Right down your spine.

            20 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **General Hux**   he just ran away in the corridor. Yelling. And nosebleeding.

            19 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Captain Phasma**   poor boy caught reading smut online

            19 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **General Hux**  I suggest you to clean your internet history, Captain. Too much Kylux in your folder

            19 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 **Gary TheStormtrooper**   she ran away yelling, too!

            18 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to say that nobody will ever be cool as Lex Luthor with a flower crown. Ever. By the way, here I am again. I'm sorry for anyone who hasn't been watching Dawn Of Justice yet, I didn't mean to cause you any trouble. Clark and Lex just happened to be at the right place, in the right time!  
> Well, I received good suggestions for the following chapters and I already have something in mind! Thank you as always for being here and sharing a smile! Love you all!


	6. Heavy are the arms that wear tattoos

**General Hux** ▶ **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**  

30 minutes ago ∙ 

 

Thug life @Jakku

 

**Like**              **Comment**            S **hare**

_2Pac, Hakeem Lyon, MGK, NotEdgarAllan Poe, Rey OfSunshine, Captain Phasma and other 54 bros_ like this  

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   I WAS GOING UNDERCOVER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING

            20 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Captain Phasma**   you look so manly with those tattoos. Also, biceps game strong

            20 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   oh, a man-bun! And a ripped t-shirt!

            20 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Captain Phasma**   Rey, you always say that you don’t like him, but yet here you are, commenting his pics…

            20 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

**  Rey OfSunshine**  _you will forget about this immediately_.

        19 minutes ago ∙  Like 

**  Captain Phasma**  _I will forget about this immediately._

          19 minutes ago ∙  Like

**  Rey OfSunshine**  _aaaand you will send me all your Reylo fan arts._

          19 minutes ago ∙  Like

**  Captain Phasma**  _aaaand I will send you all my Reylo fan arts._

          19 minutes ago ∙  Like 

**  NotEdgarAllan Poe**  Rey, we all have eyes, here…

          18 minutes ago ∙  Like

**  Rey OfSunshine**  _no, you don’t_.

          18 minutes ago ∙  Like

**  NotEdgarAllan Poe**  _no, we don’t_.

          18 minutes ago ∙  Like

**  Luke Sagewalker**  I’m not quite sure that’s how a Jedi would work…

          18 minutes ago ∙  Like

__  _Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Ghostwalker_ like this

**  Lord Snoke**  this is an interesting turn…

         18 minutes ago ∙  Like

__  _Darth Vader, Boba Fett and Kylo DarthTantrum Ren _like this

 

**Leia Organa**   Ben take that ink rubbish off your arms IMMEDIATELY

            16 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   but mom, they’re part of the plan

            16 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Leia Organa** I don’t care what’s in the plan, I will never allow my son to walk around like trash

            16 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   at least let me accomplish my mission!

            16 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Leia Organa**   Ben, don’t make me say it twice.

            15 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Han SpiritSolo**   you heard your mom.

            15 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   I’M NOT TAKING ANYTHING OFF! I’M 25 YEARS OLD, I’M A GROWN MAN

            15 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

__  _Captain Phasma, General Hux and Matt TheRadarTechnician _like this

 

**Leia Organa**   Ben, I’m throwing your Darth Vader action figure in the trash.

            15 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   don’t you DARE

            14 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Anakin Ghostwalker**   you’re such a shame to your family, Ben.

            14 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

__  _Luke Sagewalker, Han SpiritSolo, C3-PO and R2-D2 _like this

 

**Master Yoda**   agree I do

            14 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Lor-Ghost Tekka**   dishonor on you! Dishonor on your trashy lightsaber!

            14 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Obi-Wan Kenobi**   there’s still light in you, Ben! I know it!

            13 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   WHAT’S WITH THIS HALLOWEEN FAMILY MEETING? GO BACK TO YOUR GRAVES, NOBODY SUMMONED YOU

            13 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

__  _Jack Skellington, Sally, Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton_ like this

 

**Anakin Ghostwalker**   how disrespectful of you

            13 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren** I will respect you as Darth Vader. Your Force-ghost means nothing to me. You could even be Casper, for what it’s worth.

            13 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Master Yoda**   troublesome youngsters are. But hopeless this one is.

            12 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

__  _Qui-Ghost Jinn and Lor-Ghost Tekka_ like this

 

**Obi-Wan Kenobi**   Anakin was a rebel, too. It must run in the Skywalker’s bloodline.

            12 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Anakin Ghostwalker**   I’ve never been such a punk bitch, Obi-Wan! At least I knew what ancestors meant to me!

            12 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Lor-Ghost Tekka**   and that gave you the right to slay a bunch of kids

            12 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Obi-Wan Kenobi**   and to run away and marry Senator Amidala

            11 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Master Yoda**   and to evil turn

            11 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Anakin Ghostwalker**   the kid was right, this isn’t Halloween, who summoned you?

            11 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

__  _Kylo DarthTantrum Ren_ likes this 

**  Jack Skellington**  this is Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween!

            11 minutes ago ∙  Like

**  Anakin Ghostwalker**  I got it, okay

           11 minutes ago ∙  Like

 

**Obi-Wan Kenobi**   try to bring him back to light, Anakin. He must not waste his life listening to metal, having his arms tattooed and his body pierced. Take him to church

            10 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**  Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**  you can do all of these things and still not worship Satan, you know?... Just saying

             10 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Lor-Ghost Tekka**   shut your mouth kid, nobody asked you.

            10 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Leia Organa**   dad, it’s just a phase

            10 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   WHY YOU ALL KEEP TELLING ME THIS

            10 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Obi-Wan Kenobi**   ah, youth. I had my careless period, too!

            9 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Qui-Ghost Jinn**   oh, you were one hell of a troublesome padawan, Obi-Wan. Like that time when I had to take you back from Moulin Rouge. All of those young women dancing, half naked…

            9 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Obi-Wan Kenobi**   THERE’S NO NEED TO TAKE A WALK DOWN MEMORY LANE, MASTER JINN

            9 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Han SpiritSolo**   don’t you worry, he will never be the new Darth-Vader-menace to the galaxy. He will whine his way out of his thirties

            8 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

__  _Chewbacca, BB-8 and Darth Vader_ like this

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   so much trust and faith, I’m in tears.

            8 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Anakin Ghostwalker**   shitty nephews.

            8 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Obi-Wan Kenobi**   but let’s give him a chance!

            8 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Master Yoda**   skeptical I am. Very much

            7 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Han SpiritSolo**   you ghost-fools, you’re wasting your time

            7 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Padmé Amidala**   just try, Ani!

            7 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Anakin Ghostwalker**   okay, then… Ben, stop dressing in black. On Wednesdays, we wear white.

            7 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

__  _The Jedi Order, Regina Jones and Lindsay Lohan_ like this

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   I hate white. Hot Topic doesn’t sell white tees.

            7 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Anakin Ghostwalker**   well, go in the kitchen and grab two loaves of bread.

            6 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   done.

            6 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Anakin Ghostwalker**   now, put each loaf on each cheek.

            6 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren** …done

            6 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Anakin Ghostwalker**   WHAT ARE YOU NOW?

            5 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   not Darth Vader.

            5 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Anakin Ghostwalker**   AN IDIOT SANDWICH!

            5 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

__  _Darth Vader, Han SpiritSolo, Captain Phasma, General Hux, Gordon Ramsay and half of the galaxy_ like this

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   I’m not even replying to this.

            5 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Anakin Ghostwalker**   and stop worshipping the dark side. I can see you strive for the light side, go ask Rey out and stop complaining about the sun’s existence.

            5 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

__  _BB-8, Chewbacca, Han SpiritSolo, Leia Organa and other 14 people_ like this

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   is this some kind of joke?

4 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Luke Sagewalker**   father, what the force are you doing?

            4 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   ask me out? Him?

            4 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   Casper could not be in his right mind

            4 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Anakin Ghostwalker**   I suddenly remember why I turned into Darth Vader…

            3 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   yes but can I keep my tattoos

            2 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

**Anakin Ghostwalker**  NO!

            2 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Master Yoda** no

            2 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Lor-Ghost Tekka**   no

            2 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Qui-Ghost Jinn**   nah

            2 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Obi-Wan Kenobi**   no

            2 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Han SpiritSolo**   lol no

            2 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Leia Organa**   OF COURSE NOT

           2 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reading the comments, I saw a force-ghost suggestion. Along with a cat litterbox made of enemy ashes (I swear I will write about it very soon). AND I worked on it. Poor Kylo. Even his ancestors doesn't have faith in him. Only that pure soul of Obi-Wan. Caught hiding in the Moulin Rouge. _I regret nothing_.


	7. Clouds and Ashtrays

**General Hux**

50 minutes ago ∙ 

  

WHO PUT ASHTRAYS IN MILLICENT’S LITTERBOX

 

**Like**             C **omment**            S **hare**

_Millicent The Cat, Captain Phasma, Kylo DarthTantrum Ren, Lord Snoke, Gary TheStormtrooper, NotEdgarAllan Poe and other 77 people_ like this

 

  **Captain Phasma**   who is this evil mastermind? I want to know him and shake hands with him

            49 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Gary TheStormtrooper**   ew, not me

             49 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**NotEdgarAllan Poe**   this is genius, I’m going to emulate him one day

            49 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   consider it as a gift from a friend

            48 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**General Hux**   don’t tell me they were from the Coruscant uprising…

            48 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   oh, you definitely know me!

            48 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**General Hux**   I swear you are going to regret this

            48 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

_  Millicent The Cat_ likes this

 

**Captain Phasma**   oh, call me when you hit the second base!

            48 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

_  Kylux shippers_ like this

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   Phasma, how many times do I have to tell you? I’M FUCKING STRAIGHT

            48 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**General Hux**   my name is Brendol, not straight.

            47 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Captain Phasma**   OMG

            47 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

  **Kylux ShippersFandom**   OMG OMG

            47 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   I swear you’ll die in a horrible way.

            47 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

******General Hux**   not if I kill you first

            47 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**NotEdgarAllan Poe**   if both of you die, that would be a great day for the galaxy

            46 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

_  Huckleberry Finn and Ileenium Rebel Base_ like this

 

**Rey OfSunshie**   Poe, stop it

            46 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Captain Phasma**   Rey the Knight has come to save her damsel in distress

            46 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   I’M NOT A DAMSEL

            46 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Captain Phasma**   but surely you’re in distress

            45 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   and I’m not a knight

            45 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Captain Phasma**   but surely you came to save him

            45 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   true

            45 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**NotEdgarAllan Poe**   she’s right

            45 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Huckleberry Finn** I NEED SAVIN 2

            45 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   I have to go back training, I was secretly using my phone while Master Luke was in the bathroom

            44 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Luke Sagewalker**   I can see you. Go back meditating.

            44 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Captain Phasma**   looks like somebody took a Maskbook pause, too!

            44 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**General Hux**   my precious ashes…

            44 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   revenge is a dish best served nude.

            44 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

_  Sheldon Cooper_  likes this

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   WHY ARE YOU NAKED?

            44 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Luke Sagewalker**   why are you still here?

            43 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Captain Phasma**   the Jedi one is a hard life…

            43 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**Rey OfSunshine** is **happy**

30 minutes ago ∙ 

  

I’m ridin solo, I’m ridin solo, solo, solo!

 

**Like**             C **omment**            S **hare**

_Jason Derulo, Captain Phasma, General Hux, Kylo DarthTantrum Ren and other 15 people_ like this

 

 

**Huckleberry Finn**  922 GALACTIC EMERGENCY

            29 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**NotEdgarAllan Poe**   Rey, this is so gross, I can’t even

            29 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Captain Phasma**   owning a Maskbook account has been the best decision I made in years

            29 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**General Hux**   I knew it

            29 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   Rey, I already told you. I top.

            29 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**General Hux**   HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

            28 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Han SpiritSolo**   bitch please, my son…

            28 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Captain Phasma**   don’t make me laugh. The only top you'll ever have, is a cropped one

            28 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**NotEdgarAllan Poe**   I’ll never believe it

            28 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Huckleberry Finn**   hello darkness my old friend…

28 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

    **Darkness**   m8 I never added u as friend, fuck off

          27 minutes ago ∙  Like

**  Captain Phasma**  wait this is even sadder

          27 minutes ago ∙  Like

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   what’s wrong with you all? I was just singing!

            26 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**NotEdgarAllan Poe**   sure, Rey

            26 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Captain Phasma**   don’t worry, he’ll never ride anyone

            26 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

  **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   do you want to give it a go? 

            26 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   erm… no…

            25 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Captain Phasma**   sure it’s a yes

            25 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   no, I meant it!

            25 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

  **Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   me too  

            25 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   what’s with those winks? Have you got something in your eye?

            24 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Captain Phasma**   surely it’s not shame

             24 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   it’s love

            24 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**General Hux**   my teeth are rotting

            24 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

_  Starkiller Base dentist_ likes this

 

**NotEdgarAllan Poe**   will this ever end?

            23 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Captain Phasma**   I hope not

            23 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   sooner or later you’ll be mine, scavenger.

            23 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   …I wandered lonely as a cloud

            23 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**General Hux**   now it’s poetry

            22 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Captain Phasma**   Wordsworth is so romantic, I’d like some Russian poets. Majakovskij, for example.

            22 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**NotEdgarAllan Poe**   or Eminem

            22 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**General Hux**   but that’s not a poet

            22 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

**  Eminem**  GUESS WHO’S BACK BACK, BACK AGAIN? SHADY IS BACK, TELL A FRIEND!

         21 minutes ago ∙  Like

 

**Captain Phasma**   no way, man, go back freestyling in 8 Mile

            21 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   do you want me to be your sun? Your wind?

            21 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   I said LONELY

            21 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**William Wordsworth**   My poor clouds...

            20 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late! As I said in the Ultraviolence update, finals really got me, so everything will slow down for a while. But I'm still here, don't worry! Well, I'd like to thank **ArtemisBare** for suggesting me the ashtrays litterbox AU, I really digged that! And thank you all, as always!


	8. Heavy is the Head that wears Feathers

**Jessika Pava**    ▶ **Captain Phasma**

50 minutes ago ∙ 

 

Omg that smut you linked me was AWESOME. Looking forward for more!

 

**Like**             C **omment**            S **hare**

  _Captain Phasma, General Hux, Kylux fangirls, Kylux fandom, Maz Kanata, Lord Snoke and other 77 people_  likes this  

 

 Captain Phasma  always at your service 

49 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   smut

49 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**General Hux**   awesome

49 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Captain Phasma**   what? Haven’t you ever heard of pwp?

49 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

_Random fanwriters, E.L. James and 50 Shades readers_ like this

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   what’s with those random consonnants?

48 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**General Hux**   it’s an acrostic. It means Porn Without Plot

48 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

_Captain Phasma, Jessika Pava and other fanwriters_ like this

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   PORN

48 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Jessika Pava**   and it was on you!

48 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   ME

47 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Jessika Pava**   and Brendol! So cute! **#otp** **#truepairing** **#reyloisfake** **#faveship** **#fangirling**

47 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   I DON’T DESERVE THIS.

47 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

**General Hux**   you should be thanking her she doesn’t call you “Kylo Amidala” and crowns you with flowers and feathers

47 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   NO

46 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Jessika Pava**   omg Kylo Amidala  **#crackpairing** **#KyloAmidala** **#EmperorHux** **#truesmut**

46 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Captain Phasma**   those dresses would suit you

46 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Padmé Amidala**   ew no. Gross

46 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Anakin Ghostwalker**   too much trash in this

46 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

_Master Yoda, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Darth Vader, JJ Abrams and George Lucas_ like this

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   what the heck?

45 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**NotEdgarAllan Poe**   AMIDALA

45 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   what does this mean, Kylo? I hope you have a good explanation.

45 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   ME? I DIDN’T DO A THING, THEY KEEP TALKING AND DRESSING ME AS MY GRANDMA

45 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Captain Phasma**   let me search Kylo Amidala on Tumblr

45 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**General Hux**   go girl, stick right in the trash can

44 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

**  Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**  HUX AT LEAST TRY TO PRETEND YOU ARE NOT ENJOYING THIS

  44 minutes ago ∙  Like

  **General Hux**   hush hush 

  44 minutes ago ∙  Like

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   okay this is getting too weird

44 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Captain Phasma**   I FOUND ELDORADO

 

 

42 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

_Darth Vader, Lord Snoke, Vogue Naboo and Cosmopolitan Intergalactic_   like this

 

**Luke Sagewalker**   Force almighty

42 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Han SpiritSolo**   I didn’t die for this

42 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

_JJ Abrams, George Lucas and Star Wars fandom_ like this

 

**Padmé Amidala**   me neither. Who gave you permission to wear that?! **#stolenoutfit** **#slutshamingthegrandson** **#galactictramp**

42 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Captain Phasma**   congrats, Kylo! You’re my new background phone pic!

41 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   PHASMA I’LL BLOCK YOU

41 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**General Hux**   you forgot the red lipstick

41 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   YOUR BLOOD WILL DO FINE AS WELL

41 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   Kylo, I don’t know what to say

40 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**C3-PO**   young master Ben, I never thought you had such a great admiration for your grandmother! I know where her other dresses are, do you want me to collect them for your birthday? Even if I honestly think you are a little too tall, for them…

40 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

**Kylo DarthTantrum** **Ren**   HELL, NO! I DIDN’T WEAR ANY OF THAT

40 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Captain Phasma**   oooh, I FOUND MORE

40 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

**  Jessika Pava**  SEND ME EVERYTHING

  39 minutes ago ∙  Like

**  Captain Phasma**  I’ll blow your inbox

  39 minutes ago ∙  Like 

**  Jessika Pava**  yes please!

  39 minutes ago ∙  Like

 

**NotEdgarAllan Poe**   I never thought I’d be saying this, but… Reylo was better

38 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

___ Reylo fangirls and JJ Abrams_ like this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I am going to answer all of your delightful comments, wait for meh! And, I tried to stay away from the Kylux path, but I couldn't. I am no jedi. Oh, well. Let me say that the next chapter will be a new episode of Pic Wars, and -believe me- the situation can be even more cracked than this, you'll see! As always, thank you for being here and letting me know you are! Always at your service to share a smile! :)
> 
> Since I talked about Tumblr, I'm leaving my account here again, for whoever wants to get in the trash can with me!
> 
> -> [**dancingtokyoblues**](http://dancingtokyoblues.tumblr.com/)


	9. Pic Wars III: The Revenge of the Space Mom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Looong time no see!! Hope this chapter is worth the waiting! I have to say, digging for Adam Driver's photos has been such a delightful thing to do, instead of studying. I am so trash for that man, I can't even. AND Rey is slowly giving up. Though I have more in store for her, hehe! Anyway, I hope you are all doing fine! And thank you so much for all the feed, the support, the beautiful comments along the way, you really make me feel appreciated!

**Leia Organa**

1 hour ago ∙ 

 

**#tbt** to when we were such a happy family

 

 

**Like**             C **omment**            S **hare**

  _Rey OfSunshine, NotEdgarAllan Poe, Huckleberry Finn, Han SpiritSolo, Luke Sagewalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi and other 104 people_  likes this  

 

 

**Han SpiritSolo**   that was before Walking Disaster turned pre-teen

50 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Leia Organa**   Ben, sweet baby, why don’t you have your hair cut like that again? Isn’t it too long, now?

50 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

_Chewbacca_ likes this

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   MOM WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING

49 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   PLUS, DON’T YOU CALL ME BEN AGAIN

49 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**General Hux**   now I know why you use to wear a mask

49 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

___ Knights of Ren, Lord Snoke, Darth Vader, Han SpiritSolo and Luke Sagewalker_   like this

 

**Captain Phasma**   and look at those slight hints of craze, shining right in his eyes…

48 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**NotEdgarAllan Poe**   family of the year!

48 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

___ Padmé Amidala and Anakin Ghostwalker_ like this

 

**C3-PO**   that’s the young master Ben I know!

47 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

**  R2D2**  *loudly chirping*

  47 minutes ago ∙  Like

**  C3-PO**  R2, we are not going to discuss this again. Long hair does not suit young master Ben. It covers his ears!

  47 minutes ago ∙  Like

**  R2D2**  *other chirps*

  46 minutes ago ∙  Like

**  C3-PO**  of course he did not grew it on purpose! Your circuits need another turn of oil. You are talking nonsense!

  46 minutes ago ∙  Like

 

 

**Luke Sagewalker**   nephew, you look almost normal!

45 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Captain Phasma**   don’t get used to it

45 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   aw, Kylo! You were so cute!

45 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Leia Organa**   I have more. Do you want to see it?

45 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

___ General Hux, Captain Phasma, Starkiller Base Crew and People Intergalactic _ like this

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   yes please!

44 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**General Hux**   Captain, here comes the boom

44 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Captain Phasma**   wait for me, General. I’m coming to your room, we need to watch this together

44 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   MOM STOP IT, DON’T YOU DARE

44 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Leia Organa**   here, this is Ben in high school!

 

42 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

___ Rey OfSunshine, General Hux, NotEdgarAllan Poe,_ Chewbacca and other 91 like this

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   such a cutiepie, and what a smile! Why can’t you always smile like that, Kylo?

42 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**General Hux**   L-O-S-E-R!  -Phasma

                                  Mathletics leader for sure  -Brendol

42 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Han SpiritSolo**   right before he discovered Baudelaire and My Chemical Romance

41 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

___ Charles Baudelaire, Gerard Way, Frank Iero, Kellin Quinn, Oliver Sykes and Brendon Urie_ like this

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   I CAN’T HONESTLY BELIEVE THIS. I SHOULD HAVE BURNED THAT PHOTOBOOK WHEN I HAD THE OCCASION

41 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

**  Dr. Jekyll and Mr.Palpatine**  do it.

  41 minutes ago ∙  Like

** Obi-Wan Kenobi**  you should have given it to Anakin

  41 minutes ago ∙  Like

**  Anakin Ghostwalker**  that’s not even funny

  41 minutes ago ∙  Like

**  Darth Vader**  I find your lack of humor disturbing, old me.

  41 minutes ago ∙  Like

___ Obi-Wan Kenobi and Ahsoka Tano _ like this

 

**Leia Organa**   and this is from his last year of high school, for the Musical class: Aladdin!

 

38 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

___ Disney, Starkiller Base Crew, Ileenium Base Rebels and half of the galaxy_ ~~is laughing about this~~ like this

 

**General Hux**   I CAN’T, I SWEAR, I CAN’T  -Phasma

                                  Kylo, you can show us the world  -Brendol

38 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Huckleberry Finn**   LMFAO

38 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**NotEdgarAllan Poe**   if he makes out with Rey, he can put up “The Beauty and the Beast”

38 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Han SpiritSolo**   that’s why I left home for the Millennium Falcon

37 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

___ Chewbacca_ likes this

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   I didn’t know you could sing, Kylo! Next time we hang out, let’s sing something together!

37 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**General Hux**   yes, the Hanging Tree song from Hunger Games  -Phasma

                                  Never Gonna Give You Up, from Rick Astley  -Brendol

37 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   I AM NEVER SETTING FOOT OUTSIDE AGAIN

36 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   oh, come on, you look so cute in those pics!

36 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   I WANT POWER, NOT CUTENESS. PLUS THAT MUSICAL WAS LAME

36 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**NotEdgarAllan Poe**   no need to mention

35 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   now that I think about it, I have a nice pic of Kylo, too! I took it the day we went back to Jakku

 

35 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

___ Leia Organa, Han SpiritSolo, Chewbacca_ and other 67 like this

 

**General Hux**   such a ray of sunshine we have here  -Phasma

                                  Were you attending scavenger boyscouts?  -Brendol

35 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Leia Organa**   beautiful! I’m printing it and framing it on the wall!

35 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Huckleberry Finn**   WHEN DID U MAKE OUT?

35 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Han SpiritSolo**   those Indiana Jones vibes… no wonder he is my son

34 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   REY WHY

34 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

**Rey OfSunshine**   because you looked handsome! Hey, I was just trying to fix up your image…

34 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Matt TheRadarTechnician**   wait, I have a couple of good pics for you all. Here. Another friend of mine saw him with one of his many women:

 

33 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

___ FirstOrderCourtesan Agency, Kylo DarthTantrum Ren, General Hux_ and other 45 like this

 

**General Hux**   he doesn’t look very happy, though  -Brendol

                        he logged in his fake account to publish a pic he took by himself of him failing in bed? Creepy AND poor. Very, very poor.  -Phasma

33 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Han SpiritSolo**   what a shame

32 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**NotEdgarAllan Poe**   still fit af, huh?

32 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   it’s not my fault I’m a passionate lover. I’m not meant for anyone.

32 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   …women? WHAT women?

31 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**General Hux**   the ones he pays for 1000 credits per hour  -Brhasma

31 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   the ones who crawl at my feet.

31 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

**General Hux**   I think she referred to actual girls, Kylo. Not ants  -Phasma

                                 Another day, another slay  -Brendol

30 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

___ Harry Styles and Beyoncé_ like this

 

**Matt TheRadarTechnician**   and this one, too. A promotional pic for the Starkiller political campaign: “Kylo Ren: the Bare Side of the Force”

 

28 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

___ Padmé Amidala, Leia Organa, Ahsoka Tano, Rey OfSunshine_ and other 89 like this

 

**NotEdgarAllan Poe**   you meant “the workout side of the Force”…

28 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Huckleberry Finn**   whats with the forest au?

28 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Leia Organa**   I thought you were vegan, Ben!

27 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Han SpiritSolo**   yeah, like that time he forced us all to eat only vegetables for a month

27 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   THAT WAS JUST A PIC, NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED DURING THE PHOTOSHOOT

27 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

**Rey OfSunshine**   Kylo, who was that damned girl? Are you going to answer or not?

27 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   I already told you. Someone striving for a night with me. If you want me as well, EARN ME

26 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   oh really? Then why you looked so pissed off when I refused to get in the tub with you?

 

26 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

___ General Hux, Starkiller Base Crew and Ileenium Base Rebels_ like this

 

**General Hux**   WHEN THINGS GOT SO INTIMATE BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU?  -Brhasma

25 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Huckleberry Finn**   WHAT TUB?!

25 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**NotEdgarAllan Poe**   luckily you refused!

25 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Leia Organa**   Ben, Rey is such a good and beautiful girl… you could make some more effort to conquer her heart!

25 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

___ Reylo shippers_ like this

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   because it DID piss me off! I was truly sad and upset! Get in the tub with me again, will you?

24 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Rey OfSunshine**   go to the billions of striving girls moaning at your feet. Fool.

24 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Leia Organa**   the Solo genes never lie…

24 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Darth Vader**   rebel scums.

24 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Kylo DarthTantrum Ren**   BUT REY

23 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**Luke Sagewalker**   that’s my padawan!

23 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

 

**TheGhostof Casanova**   man, you really need to learn a few lessons…

23 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

___ Vicomte de Valmont, Abbé Prevost, Dom Juan, Marquis de Sade and other 451 libertines_ like this

 

**Han SpiritSolo**   good luck with that, I tried to death.

23 minutes ago ∙  Like  ∙ Comment

___ JJ Abrams, George Lucas, Chewbacca and Leia Organa_ like this

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I know. This could be the most stupid thing you've ever read. And I regret _nothing_. This idea struck me while I was watching Adam Driver's clips at SNL and while I was scrolling Emo Kylo Ren's Twitter profile. SO, I thought: what could possibly happen if Kylo ran his own Facebook account? What other people what say in the comments? What issues he could talk about? And what about his parents and relatives? Well... this is it.  
>  It's complete nonsense and I love it. Also, I'm open to suggestions for any AU you'd like to see, if you have any particular idea! Since this doesn't follow any plot or similar things, I'll update as soon as I come up with something. Hopefully stupid.
> 
> P.S.: I took inspiration for the Leia/Han comments from Mamalaz's gifset of "The Modern Adventures of Han & Ben"


End file.
